Hi, EYD! Today's post is by Shreya Shenoy. She touches on one of the most important issues in the Desi community - mental health, and provides personal experiences to really make her point shine. This is a crucial issue to be talked about; if you have or are experiencing anything similar, please reach out to your loved ones for support. EYD is always here for you if you need us! Without further ado, here is her post! :)
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As a young woman from a Desi family, one of the first social skills I learned was how to mask my emotions in a group setting. When older women would pick on me for my small size, I learned to laugh it off regardless of my offense. When other kids would notice my hairy arms or unibrow – and subsequently make fun of me for it – I learned to take it in stride. It was also what taught me to begin covering up the first signs of my declining mental health.
I was about 12 years old when I realized that I was having issues with my mental health, which I initially brushed off. I had always been deemed “sensitive” as a child, and figured anything that I was going through was a product of me overthinking a mild inconvenience. I decided that my initial feelings of hopelessness and loneliness were normal, and managed to continue on with my life until those feelings became debilitating.
This past winter, that’s precisely what happened – although I was an active student-athlete and had a reliable friend group, my health deteriorated to a point where I could barely get out of bed in the morning. I felt completely alone. And yet, this narrative may feel too familiar for some reading this.
According to the Anxiety & Depression Association of America, Asian-Americans are three times less likely to seek mental health services than Americans of other ethnicities. I’ve noted that, especially in the South Asian community, mental illness can be demonized. It’s a common micro-aggression among Desi immigrants to write off individuals who seek therapy or other forms of mental healthcare as "crazy." Stereotypes such as the “model minority” myth have increased stigma for mentally ill Desis – we’re expected to always put our head down and be able to prevail without help through any hardships we’ve experienced. This pressure, combined with the already existing social stigmas of mental illness, can make struggling with one’s mental health even more difficult to navigate than it already is.
I feel lucky to be a part of Generation Z, where this topic is one that I’m able to openly speak about with other Desi teenagers and relatives who are closer to my age. And yet, the anecdotes that I’ve heard are still horrifying.
Most Desis are no stranger to the phrase “Log kya kahenge?” or “What will people think?”
This phrase has become such an integral part of South Asian immigrant culture that it was even used as a tagline for Hasan Minhaj’s comedy special Homecoming King. However, it’s also been a response to some young Desis who open up about their mental health- “Beta, log kya kahenge? What will people think? Won’t people judge you for speaking up about your issues? Won’t people think you’re crazy for wanting to go see a therapist?”
While this is a phrase that many can laugh at for its sheer relatability, it’s important to acknowledge that in this context, it can prevent Desis from getting the mental healthcare they need – because they were told to put other’s expectations of them above their own needs.
This pressure to stifle one’s own needs can be deadly. In particular, an Asian and Pacific Islander American Health Forum (APIAHF) report found that there was a higher rate of suicide among young South Asian American women than the general U.S. population. I personally believe that mental illness is a silent killer especially among South Asians, but that it doesn’t have to be that way.
In fact, my initial bouts of emotional instability were incredibly difficult because I didn’t want to let my "weakness" show. I believed that the more I opened up about my experience, the more power my thoughts would have over me. After beginning to open up to friends, I realized that this wasn’t true – I found strength in being able to feel vulnerable and express my emotions in a healthy way, by simply talking about them. However, I still shied away from being able to talk to my parents, that was, until my mental health began to affect my physical health. At that point, they had begun to realize what I was going through, but it was still a lot to handle for them.
I believe that they saw my imperfect mental health as a reflection of their own parenting, and they felt guilty. At other times, they blamed my phone, or me not eating enough fruit or badam. Nevertheless, after the initial shock and recoil wore off, they did what they could to support me – they tried not to place academic pressure on me, urged me to go outside and get sunshine whenever they saw me upset, and did their best to tell me that they were proud of me and that I had achieved so much despite the circumstances that were out of my control. They still can get frustrated with me “when I cry for no reason,” but it’s one step at a time, right?
While I’d like to resolve this post on a happy note and say that my mental health has made a full recovery and stigma isn’t something that I have to face anymore, that’s simply not true. This issue is still something I have to face every day, regardless of whether it’s a good or bad mental health day.
To my fellow Desis, I urge to check in on your friends: your funny friends, your smart friends, your organized friends, and your friends who check on you – because you never know the repressive attitudes some of them might have to confront at home.
It’s easy to tell mentally ill Desis to simply seek help, but this isn’t an option that’s available to everyone due to financial pressure and especially debilitating stigma. Just as importantly, I urge you talk to older members of the community as well. Dismantling the stigma behind mental health can seem like an overwhelming task, but change begins with us.
If you are considering harming yourself and need free, confidential help:
1-800-273-8255: National Suicide Prevention Lifeline
CRISIS to 741741: Crisis Textline
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