Never Have I Ever… Seen Someone Like Me On TV (Spoiler Alert!)

Welcome to EYD's first post! Today, our brilliant writer Sonia Birla takes a deeper look into the hit TV show, Never Have I Ever. She provides commentary from the perspective of a South Asian girl hoping to relate and finally feel seen in Hollywood, giving her thoughts on what she enjoyed.... and what she didn't. We hope you enjoy reading!

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On April 27th, Netflix graced us with the wonderful story of Devi Vishwakumar (Maitreyi Ramakrishnan), a young Indian-American sophomore dealing with the death of her father and making a comeback on the high school social scene.

I watched the entire show in one sitting, laughing out loud, cringing with my entire body, and even crying when things hit too close to home. This is the first American series featuring a main character that was fundamentally like me: a teenaged Indian girl living in the United States. In most shows, Indians are cast as side characters, and their cultures aren’t ever recognized. Growing up, I’ve watched Baljeet (Phineas and Ferb), Ravi (Jessie), Raj (Big Bang Theory), and Alex Parrish (Quantico) make vague, often untrue, references to their cultures without ever claiming them. But Devi was someone like me! Her relationship with her mother, the “no boys” rules, and the ever-present Indian culture in her life are themes that touch my own life. I loved watching Devi struggle to fit into an American society where being different wasn’t necessarily something she was proud of. As a viewer, I fell in love with her spontaneous, selfish, fiery personality.

Looking back, my expectations were high: being a young Indian-American, I wanted something that truly reflected what my life is like, a story I could take ownership of.

Even Mindy Kaling, the main writer of the show, recognized that in her interview with the New York Times: “Those people who watch the show, particularly young Indian-American women, are the people that I want to like it the most.” I wanted a show that revealed the identity issues I have had to overcome through my young adult years. I wanted Kaling, an Indian-American woman to give credence to my story, and the story of thousands of other people from the same demographic. But, that’s not what happened.

The biggest turn-off was the heavy-handed cultural references that played too far into stereotypes. The Indian ‘aunties’ were only slightly exaggerated; that was funny! I laughed because it was accurate. Unfortunately, the show did not deal with marriage with the same charm. Yes, many women born in India have arranged marriages. As Americans, that sounds akin to a human rights violation. How dare people get married after meeting only once? But it’s important to remember that our own biases play a big role in this perception.

In the show, Kamala (Richa Moorjani) was being pushed to get an arranged marriage, though she was pursuing a Ph.D. and had a (secret) boyfriend. Understandably, Devi voiced her concerns and represented what the majority of the Western world believes about arranged marriages: they’re terrible. But instead of providing a counterargument, the show merely showed Kamala’s internal conflict, with her parents on one shoulder and boyfriend on the other. The issues were resolved simply with Riverdale scenes where Betty seemed to be speaking directly to Kamala, urging her to choose the boy she’s truly in love with. Heartwarming, but it failed to address the social implications of that stereotype and didn’t bridge the gap between the conflicting cultures.

Kamala had to choose between the two men and, simultaneously, two cultures. I was happy with her choice, but the show could have easily let Kamala and Nalini, Devi’s mom (Poorna Jagannathan), have a heart-to-heart, actually addressing the conflict rather than dismissing it. The ultimate resolution could have been the same, but there was a much more nuanced, mature way to address the major cultural conflict that many Americans may be unaware of. A significant chunk of watchers are likely unfamiliar with Indian traditions, and this show only plays into the stereotypes they may already hold.

Devi had her own conflicts with her Indian culture. She ate her masala dosas, got good grades, and prayed for a boyfriend. But on the other hand, she dismissed major Indian values. She constantly disrespected her mother (respecting your elders is really important in Indian culture) and berated Indian dancers. The balancing act between being too-Indian and not-Indian-enough is an issue many kids struggle with.

Even in my own life, wearing different clothes, eating different food, and speaking different languages are things I had to learn to appreciate instead of being ashamed about; the dichotomy between American and Indian culture is constantly at play.

Devi is embarrassed by her Indian culture on-screen, but it’s a sentiment shared by many off-screen. There is an inherent need to fit in, and often it comes at the expense of one’s own heritage.

This conflict was hinted at when a college admissions counselor told Devi she was “just another Indian girl,” unless she had a better story to write in her application essays. She never really came to terms with her identity, and that was the biggest disappointment of the show. I wanted her backward, stereotypical understanding of India to be replaced with an acceptance of her culture. Devi always implied that her Indian-ness was something she would have to overcome to be “cool”. The fact that the show never corrected these backward ideas hurt the most. Most young Indian teenagers all have a moment at some point in their lives where they are told their food is “gross” and that they shouldn’t eat with their hands. Many young Indian girls try to lighten their skin and purposefully avoid stereotypically “Indian” activities. The show should’ve addressed these outrageous identity issues instead of feeding into them.

The show told everyone that Indian-Americans can succeed in Hollywood, but it could’ve told everyone that Indian-Americans can be Indian.

That’s not to say the show was bad. There were parts of this show that resonated with me. For example, when Devi reunited with her family, Nalini chanted a mantra from Bhagavad Gita about the never-ending nature of the soul. Devi’s embarrassment over people seeing her wearing Indian clothes was a hard hit to my own ego. Her ever-changing relationship with her mother was also refreshing to watch. The show handled mental health issues incredibly well, even touching on how they are overlooked in the Indian community. Never Have I Ever did put an un-whitewashed, authentic, Indian character on screen. And for that, it has my eternal thanks.

With that being said, this show could have done a better job of showing the internal conflicts many Indian-American students have. Instead of dismissing Indian culture, I wish Devi learned how to accept it. Instead of Kamala’s secret boyfriend issues being glamorized, I wish the cultural conflict was recognized and dealt with more meaningfully.

Yes, the show was hilarious. Yes, this show is the first of its kind. Yes, it is a landmark production for South Asians in Hollywood. But at the end of the day, I don’t feel like I’ve been seen yet. Luckily, there’s going to be a season 2.