Hey everyone! In this post, I interviewed my Desi mom, asking her some of the questions that you all wanted me to via IG Story. I made some minor edits to her answers to make them more understandable, but made sure to preserve her voice.
Again, these are just some of her opinions, to give a quick glimpse into the minds of Desi parents. By no means are any of these hard facts! I hope you enjoy reading!
1. What is the one thing you regret with how you raised me?
What I regret is trying out too many classes. At the time... I just wanted to try everything so that you had a chance of becoming good or excelling at one of them. But, after all these years of experience with kids, I understood nothing adds value or impact unless it is there in their system. Unless you liked it... you didn't do it. I could have spent more time looking at what you enjoyed instead of pushing classes on you.
2. Why do you hesitate to congratulate me but focus on giving criticisms?
I will admit... I could have done a better job of congratulating you. Only when you tell me now, I can see how only criticism made you sad.At the time, I just wanted you to be better. I was always proud of you, I just did not know the right way to show it so I tried to give feedback. The criticisms I gave were just meant for me to help you become better than you were. If I could go back.. I would be more vocal with my congrats and balance them with criticisms. That is something I regret... I wanted the best but did not know how to express it.
3. Are you worried about my generation forgetting our culture/heritage?
No, I am not worried about kids forgetting our culture or heritage. We laid the foundation, and have belief that they will come back to it at some point in time. Nowadays, it is common for teenagers to drift away from Indian cultures because of their friends and romantic partners....but I think that. they will eventually realize the value of our culture and ideals after they have experienced the real world.
4. Do you still believe in arranged marriage? If so, why?
Arranged marriage or love marriage, having trust is the most important thing to me. Initially, maybe because of the circumstances we were raised in, it seemed like the right way to go. Now, I have begun to feel that understanding each other and giving space is more important than the type of marriage you have. I still think that arranged marriage is not a bad thing, because it allows us to help you in finding a partner who will always respect and support you. At the end of the day, we just want to look out for your safety and comfort in the best way that we can.
5. Why do you think Indian parents expect a lot more academically than other parents?
When thinking about starting a good life, college comes into mind. In my opinion, there is no selfish interest in demanding good academic performance. It is only done for the high level of comfort and standard of living that we as parents want for you. There is no substantial benefit for the parents if you perform well academically - you are the one who benefits from it. Put yourself on the spot: how many of you would want your own kids to be lazy and consistently bad in academics?
6. Is there anything you wish you could’ve done in your childhood that I can do now?
I wish I could have made friends... my only friends from childhood were made when we studied together for exams. Because of that, it is hard for me even now to keep and maintain friends because of the things I did as a teenager. Although we tell you to focus on academics, friends are important too, as long as you make and maintain the right ones who are right for you.
7. Why do you emphasize modesty so much?
It was just the way I was raised… so I didn’t know any other way. I just wanted to push you away from fashion and romance as much as I could, and convince you to focus on academics as much as you could. The way my parents raised me was with an emphasis on modesty, and I did not learn about all of the shorts and tank tops until I came to the US. I still think that it is not good to show off your body for attention, but know that self-expression is different here. I mostly just wanted you to spend more time focusing on your studies instead of becoming obsessed with clothes.
8. To you, what is the importance or value of a girl being and living independently?
We all have to recognize and improve from our strengths and weaknesses. At the end of the day, the only person who will never let you down or not meet your expectations is you. The only person controlling your happiness is you. You are the only person that holds the driving wheel to your life. Other people in your life will improve you, make you laugh, and help you become better, but only you can find your worth as a person. You have to know that before you can go into relationships.
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